Icelandic Volcano - The Truth Is Out There

It's no good...

British pride and Atlantic domination needs to be re-established. We need to send the navy (since we can't send the RAF) to teach those troublesome Icelanders a lesson.

There is a conspiracy here. It all adds up. Listen...

Firstly, they tried to rob us Anglo Saxons of our staple diet, fish and chips. Remember the Cod war?

Secondly and more recently, they undermined the UK banking system with their worthless junk bonds and savings accounts and because their banks subsequently collapsed they sent their own economy (not to mention all those other countries that mistakenly thought those Vikings knew a thing or two about money) into financial free fall. As a result, they now owe the poor overburdened UK taxpayer a billion pounds...

What happened to all that money, that's what I want to know!

Their biggest bank called 'Kaupthing' went bust. Now, I don't know about you but it would seem to me that there was a clue in the name... 'Kaupthing' sounds suspiciously like 'Kau-ching' to me - and that is the sound that a till makes when you put money in it!

See, those sneaky listeners of whaling Bjork music were taking the piss right in front of our eyes.

Thirdly, and this is the big one, they fill the sky with ash so that our planes can't fly... They say it is a volcano. Yeah right! Hmm, methinks there is a pattern here.

Consider this: How many five pound notes in a billion pounds? The answer may surprise you: It is two hundred million! That is enough to fill several Wembley Stadiums.

So here is what I think:

I reckon those plunderous Vikings in Iceland have returned to their evil old ways of pillaging and have built a pyre in honour of Loki (the God of mischief and mockery) of monumental proportions - several Wembley Stadiums - on top of Mount Eyjafjallajökull (they even try to confuse us with unpronounceable names). Yes, whilst the eyes of the world were elsewhere those devious winged hatted Norsemen secretly constructed a massive bonfire made of non-other than 200,000,000 British five pound notes! Then, they put a torch to it and so mighty and overwhelming were the resulting flames they were able to convince the world that it is a volcano. 

Even now these worshippers of hammer-fisted Thor (the God of Thunder no less) laughingly dance around the pyre in circular motions to cause an updraft in the air whilst feeding more British taxpayers £5 notes to the flames and therefore create towering clouds of smoke and ash! 

So there is the rub of it... Our planes can't fly because the air is full of ash. Ash that is in fact the burnt cinders of British five pound notes! 

There can be no doubt that they are taking the piss again. Send in the gunboats I say!